66sixer c0rrnholio

☁ I WANT TO BELIEVE ☁


梦, 夢, 梦, 夢
Big face, big nose, tons of hair, big dreams

I bought this crop tank a while ago and ermergerd I forgot I have boobs. Damnit. I didn't even bother checking the measurements. I just bought it like I have no boobs. Heck. I didn't regret it though. I was rather happy. Because I've got a shirt with a sad face on.. and its face gets so outstretched, it's as if the shirt is trying to escape my bewbs. Trust me m8, I have average breasts of an average sized body. It's just this shirt that is small. Even when my boyfriend saw the tank at first glance, he was like "What is this??" and I told him it's a S H I R T, he just stared at me and said "How are you gonna fit in this baby-sized shirt!?" Omg boyfriend, it's called fashion.. look it up!1! Ahahhah.

I am not challenged at all! I made it work nonetheless. You bet I did.





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I AM NOT FAT, I AM FAB


HERE'S A LENGHTY POST TITLED:
I'M NOT FAT BUT FAB

Okay so.. basically, we live in a society where the average weight is considered "overweight" and while being underweight isn't enough to fit the perfect number, we'd starve ourselves and stuff so that we'll be as light as a feather. Now isn't that just beautiful? So much unrealistic standards to achieve!

Honestly, I can't quite recall how many times I've been called fat or have been "warned" to watch over what I eat so I don't become fatter. Like dude, I don't even eat that much. I was just in high school, man.. What's worse is that my parents decided to throw me into a homophobic all-girls school (well, practically every school here don't encourage homosexuality, this is a country of homophobes after all).

When I was 13, I weighed the heaviest in my record. I was 163cm tall, weighing 48kg. Which means my BMI is probably around 18.07 or lower. Considerably, it's pretty much the average BMI, although it stated that I was somewhat at the category of "underweight". I grew up being nicknamed Olive Oyl / Popoye's waifu by my mum cause I was this really tall and skinny awkward stick. And surprisingly, I was never overweight in my life. Despite of that, I have a very obvious double chin and a mega chubby face. Everyone in my family has double chins, I guess it's just genetics? But I got called fat numerous times in high school because of that one reason. And above all, I couldn't find the perfect fitted uniform to match my awkwardly proportioned body (yeah we had to wear this really fugly pinafore with a blouse under everyday). Meaning.. it just makes me look even crappier than I already am.

It all begun in my freshmen year of high school. I participated in a joint campfire between different schools, you know, those Girl Guides x Boys Scouts camp thing, where we build our station with bamboos and stuff. Yeah. In one of those activities, one of the boys had to piggyback the girls while walking on a stone pathway (which is used to help your blood circulation) and they had to bend down so the girl on their back had to pick the candies up from the path. That's so fucking sadistic wtf. Fact that I'm the biggest girl among the others in my group, I was in a huge panic when I realize that one of my tiny male team mates had to carry me on their backs. God damn it. I wanted to back out so bad so I told the others to go on without me cause there's NO WAY I'll go ahead with it or else I might break the guy's bones lol.

Then one of the girls just HAD to ask me "What's the matter? How much do you weigh?" jfc you don't ask a person about their weight just like you're not supposed to ask Karen Smith why is she white if she's from Africa. Seriously Gretchen? I told the girl "I'm 48kg" and woah, she just burst out laughing and called me fat in front of everybody. Man, I was embarrassed to death.

That's when I begun to have self-esteem issues.

Everything went from okay to worse. Considering my past experiences of being bullied since kindergarten, things were already rough in the beginning. It was a huge mistake to throw me into a public school. Such a frail creature like me should be homeschooled. Uhhhhh moooOOom you should've homeschooled me. Ugh!


Just like every teenager, I struggled with my self-esteem. There was never a day where I liked looking at myself in the mirror. I remember one of my schoolmates pointed out "Hey you've got a double chin. Better watch what you're eating." Clearly, she's ignorant enough to know that the only thing I eat is bread and plain water. Occassionaly I am rarely hungry, that explains the peasant meals I've been taking (bread + water). Some people are chubby because, genetics, you know. I'm pretty sure at that time, my size was perfectly average. Yet that was not enough to fit people's standard. I was told time and time again "Hey, you're fat". It occured to me so often that I no longer see it as a coincidence, I accepted it as a fact. I am fat. Most of my friends are genetically skinny.. they don't easily gain weight by eating a slice of pizza like I do. Bummer.

On top of that, I am the black sheep of my family. I have bad grades, I am socially inept, and the disciplinary teachers in my high school ALWAYS have a bullseye on me. And now, I am fat. Ugh. So yeah, we can all just conclude that I got jinx-ed ever since birth and fact that I suck hardcore.

Fat isn't the problem here. My self-esteem was. My stupidity that brought me to believe that being fat is ugly; that is the problem. That's just fucked up. It's like being racist except you're only disfavouring fat people. THAT IS AWFUL. As long as I am healthy and fine with myself, isn't that all that matters? Heh.

Rather than embracing my fat self, I gave in to people's YOU'RE SO FUCKING FAT comments instead. I dwelled in it and I lost confidence in myself. I've stopped eating completely, I could go on days without food. Regardless of my efforts, I did not look any thinner but the numbers went down. I was a member of the basketball team and we did a hell lot of stamina training. Other than that, I've also done some fat-burning exercises to get rid of my chubbyness (doesn't seem like it helped lol). I went from 48kg to a 40kg at the height of 165cm, with the BMI count of at least 14.59, I became more underweight than I already was. After a while, I started experiencing tons of health problems. At times, I would have trouble taking regular proportioned meals; I couldn't eat even half of a regular sized meal. Ugh. Something was terribly wrong with me but I never seek help from my parents. I endured it alone and looked things up on the internet instead. Well, God bless the internet! Cause if it wasn't for the internet, I might've end up food-reluctant and wouldn't be as fab as I am now. lol jk.


2 years later, the numbers of fat comments decreased but I became extremely antisocial. I wouldn't leave class even during recess, I'd keep the classroom doors shut and hide in the corner (cause we weren't allowed in the classroom during recess). I hated many things and many people around me for countless reasons. But then slowly I became less chubbier without even trying. I still have my double chin though, I can't run away from it, that's a fact ): All I've focused on was getting my grades up. Because I have a dream, and achieving that dream is the only thing I find important.

Because you know what? FUCK IT. It doesn't matter what people say. They can call you fat, stupid or ugly but that doesn't mean you should become what they hoped you would be. You're not fat. You're not ugly. And you are never stupid. You are YOU and for that reason alone, it is solely up to you to decide WHO and WHAT you will be. It is not for other people to decide. People only called you names, because they WANT you to believe in it. Don't be fooled by them. It's nonsense. I've pushed every bad comments I received aside and I focused on myself. I told myself that their words meant nothing and that none of them are important. What's important is me. Because, dude, that person may think you're fat, but other people just don't give a shit about it. Nobody cares, goddamnit. It does not matter at all!!

So yeah.. w/e no one cares~


And if somebody were to say to you "Ew is that cake? You're gonna get fat!!" Fuck that nitwit and eat your damn cake. Goddamnit did anybody ask you for your opinion? Besides, if I am fat, I would have already been aware of it; cause obviously.. THIS IS MY BODY and I live with it every mili second of my life. Nobody needs your reminder on how big or small I am. It's not like I don't have a mirror at home. Keep it to yourself m8, voice your opinion only when people actually ask for it.

I used to hate food. I hated it so much, I'd even find it boring. Can you believe that? Years later I met a glutton named Ashe who looks like a total stick insect and you would never believe he could finish more than 2 ginormous dishes at once. This glutton is my boyfriend. He taught me the beauty of food and taught me how to appreciate it. Our favorite activity is eating and he loooooves laksa. He never tries to change me, and he'd always encourage me to EAT. Ahaahaha and thanks to him, I've gained some weight! Last time I checked, I was 45kg.. but I doubt I maintained at that. I could possibly be over 50kg now HAHAHAH. I haven't weigh myself in a while cause I got no time for that m8.

Everybody has their own opinion, and everyone has their own preferences. There are those who prefer skinny girls, while there are those who loves a little more chubs. But the thing is, you shouldn't be a certain size to woo a certain guy, if you guys are meant to be, nobody is gonna leave you for your size. What matters is that you are loved for your personality, for the person you are. Ya kno. You gotta live for yourself dude. The things you do, should be for yourself. If you want to go on a diet, good for you, as long as you are healthy and happy with your decisions, nothing else matters.

Eventhough I know I have this extremely big face, double chin and a huge ass nose, there's nothing I can do about it, naturally. I might as well embrace it, no? That's what my boyfriend told me. He's a glutton with wise words and positive energy, I'm amazed by his optimistic nature. I want to be more like him. I don't want to sit in despair and look at myself, calling myself names anymore. I want to be able to feel good about myself, I want to live in peace. So I gotta fight off my demons, in order to gain that peaceful life I desire. And if looking like the way I am now is considered fat, wh0tever m8.. I'm fine with being fat, I AM HEALTHY AFTER ALL 

Cause in the end of the day.. YOU'RE ALWAYS FABULOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS~~